This is my space, this is your space (3)

From my perspective it has been going on for about six months. We had emotionally and physically separated about 3 years before, just existing in the same house. So I don't blame him but it was the way he handled it that was so difficult. I wished he had come to me and said he was too unhappy to remain and needed out - BEFORE he found another. But that is not what happened. I felt like it was living a soap opera. I could hear the organ music in the background.


Dundundun --- Believe it or not I didn't do anything. I went back to bed - next to him! - and layed there thinking of what to do. Should I wake him up with a fist to his head? Should I run over the phone with the car? Should I call the woman and tell her to leave him alone? No, didn't do anything. Got up later to get ready for work and somehow I drove there and functioned like nothing was going on. I felt like a robot. How could I do that when I just found out my husband of 30 years is having an affair? Does he know I know? Is it written all over my face? Somehow I made it to lunch and went home. I called my daughter to come over, that I needed to talk. I told her what I had discovered, and she immediately said, 'pack a bag, you are coming to my house tonight.' That is what I did. No note, no phone call, nothing. I stayed at her house for the night and he never called to see where I was, who I was with, nothing.



I have always been angry with myself for not confronting him and airing all the anger, asking all the questions I still have. But we never did. We weren't the arguing kind, if we disagreed we usually worked it out or I gave in - I don't know which - but we didn't yell at each other. So I don't know: why did he find another woman before telling me he was unhappy? was it easier to not be honest and come to me, sparing my feelings? how did it come about? did he approach first? did he ever bring her into my house? So many questions, with no answers.


A couple of days went by and he came home so we could figure out what to do next. We tried to salvage it but it was so dead, it wasn't going to happen. I actually was willing to take him back and make it work if that is what he wanted. For the first time he offered to go to counseling with me (I had begged him in the past but he never thought he needed it). He stayed for two weeks sleeping on the couch but eventually he went back to her. He left for the last time on Easter Sunday, 2008.


Women are a lot like handbags. They don't know how strong they are until they have a lot to carry!