The Quick Step (7)

Okay, working with my counselor. I can’t be specific with the tools my counselor gave me since some of them are copyrighted but I can tell you how I felt during the process.

After we talked for a about a month and the shock of it all was gone, he started out by giving me positive statements (he calls them HOPESTEALERS(c) - each letter stands for what your mind is telling you to believe and it is wrong and what to tell yourself that is true) for me to put all over the house and to read constantly to start believing in myself again. I needed my self-confidence, self-esteem, my spirit back. My counselor had also created a CD series called Getting On With It! (G.O.W.I.) that was a life saver for me. I was anxious to get started getting on with life.

Right in the middle of the divorce process – April 2008 – I was called for jury duty for the first time. I was not really looking forward to it but couldn’t get out of it and it got me away from work so I could do some thinking. Sitting in a courtroom basement is not very exciting. Actually that week turned out to be a very good week personally. I sat there with my headphones and CD player and listened to my GOWI series. What a blessing it turned out to be. I wasn’t called for any juries; I was called and interviewed once but not chosen. So back to the basement to listen to my CD, write in the workbook doing all the exercises.

I was becoming better and better as that week passed. It was also my birthday that week and I was okay with being alone. My girls gave me wonderful gifts and we had a good day.

The series starts out explaining why we love and why it ends. Why we feel the need to love another person. Then it moves into talking about losing a love and how painful that is and that he can help you move past the pain to become whole again. There are relaxation sections, how-to’s to help with self confidence and learning how to meet people again. I hadn’t dated since I was 24, when I got married (and hated dating anyway) so I needed to learn how to meet men and how to talk to them all over again. The last chapter is about saying goodbye forever to your love that you lost. That was important to do. I had to get my ex out of my heart if there was ever going to be room for another man.

So by the end of that week I had gone through most of the chapters. I was feeling better and felt like I was going to make it. I had to learn to think about myself differently. I was so insecure and felt so inadequate I just had to get better.

For example, I would think ‘No one ever really loved me.’ I had to start thinking, ‘I have loved and been loved. It will happen again.’ I think I finished the series faster than any of his other patients. But I wanted to get better quickly and get on with the living part, I’d been dormant long enough. I felt I was coming out of the fog and into the sunlight.



And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Anais Nin