2/4/10
It has been 1 year, 7 months, and 29 days since I was in front of a judge ending my marriage of 30 years. But it was over long before that day. As I begin this diary I am happier now and more self secure but think about the difficult days I have come through and know there are lots of men and women out there that are still suffering, or haven’t made the difficult decision to end a marriage (or relationship) that isn’t alive and positive in their life.
With this being said, I decided it was time to share my insights on the journey I have been walking for the past almost two years. I hope someone will read it and find out that they are not alone and there is light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. But let us go back to the beginning.
I will start with some background. I am currently 56 years old, being married at 24 to a US Navy seaman right out of boot camp in 1977. I could write a book about being a military wife and living life in the military. But that is for another day. We eventually had three daughters who have grown into mature, wonderful women with lives of their own. Due to the sea duty my seaman was endlessly assigned to, I was a single mother most of those years. My girls and I are very close I believe due to that fact. I am sorry my seaman wasn’t as close to his children but that is one of the sacrifices faced by military men.
After years of moving to various stations, I returned with the children back to my home town and we bought our first home. We were in Oklahoma while my seaman was in Virginia heading out to sea. I settled in to the routine of school and housework and the days went by. I loved our home and it was mine. Eventually the ship went down to Florida for refitting and then lastly to south Texas for a change of port. So my seaman, now a chief was stationed in south Texas for the last 7 yrs of his 22 yr military career. We didn’t like living apart but I wanted our children to have a home base so we sacrificed our days together for their emotional wellbeing. I thought we were happy and everything was going well. I would find out years later how wrong I was.
Fast forward to the 1999 – my chief retires and comes to live in our home. I was glad the career was over but he was depressed and seemed to not be able to find satisfaction in the job he was working. He wasn’t in charge of anyone anymore and civilian life is messy and less regimented. But we trudged along and worked our jobs and finished raising our children. By this time our oldest was out of high school and the other two were close. Then one day the house was empty of children and it was just him and me.
I like to collect sayings and special verse. Here's one for today:
"How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself." Anais Nin
